Random Reviews by Leanne

As a writer and a reader I come across what some of us call flow issues in stories. In my own writings I get so involved in the story that I forget to show the situation and clog my story with a ton of tells. It is not very fun to read and it tends to disconnect the viewer with the scene and the characters.

I have noticed it these past few weeks while I was away for a much needed stress relieving break. I read a lot of erotica romances and have found that in a few of the novellas, it is overwhelmingly obvious that the author has the same issue I have.

Lets be honest for just a second and review a passage from a book that I will not name. The scene is a sex scene so forgive me while I post the text and then rewrite it the way I would like to read it.

He grabbed my hair and pulled it. Jerking my head back as well as my body towards his lap. He shoved himself inside of me so quickly that I came instantly. 

This is boring. "Really?" was my first reaction to this horrible scene. I was neither stimulated nor involved. Here is the same scene with how I wished it had been written.

He wrapped his hand around my long brown hair and forced my body to become flush with his. The moment his skin touched mine I could feel his throbbing need. Pushing down onto his pulsing flesh gave me an instant sense of fullness. I felt my core reach volcanic  levels. My sex began to squeeze him as he thrust inside of me. I knew that each second he was inside was going to make my sensitive flesh boil over flooding him with my lava bringing him closer to filling me with his seed. 

I know this is not perfect but I was attempting to make it sound less robotic and more lyrical. Not everyone is going to agree with me and I have been told that I tend to flower a scene a bit to much. I like it that way. I love using descriptive words to set the scene because I know what makes me hot and bothered and I hope that it makes others feel the same way.

When writing often times we forget that the reader cannot see the picture of the scene in our minds. We have to spell it out to them. Missing a section of scene setting can push the reader off the bus we want them on to finish the story on. We want them to feel each speed bump, smell each pheromone and taste the heat that we put into each scene. If they can't see what we see then they are driving through our manuscript blind.

I would love to say that all the books I have read in the past several weeks were awesome and didn't have these flow issues but that would be lying. The erotica genre wasn't the only genre I read during this break. I read several others and it was there too. No author is exempt from having this issue, that I have ever talked to, especially in their first draft. However the issue should be resolved after several drafts, beta readers and editing sessions. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Some authors actually write their books with the intent of leaving out all of those "useless" descriptors.

Let me show you another example of what happens when we forget to use our words to describe a scene, even one that has literally no importance in some readers opinions.

Kelsey walked to the kitchen. She opened the cabinet door and took out a glass. She poured orange juice into the glass that she got from the refrigerator. She stood next to the sink as she downed the juice and then rinsed her glass. As she did all this she thought about her situation and how she was going to handle the changes that will be happening soon. 

Some will say there is nothing wrong with that paragraph and others will scream that it is an information dump that we just didn't need to know. I think that if she is going to be thinking about something while she is doing all that , then not only do we need to know some details of what she is thinking, but also the details in the scene around her. While it will not mean anything for someone to know what color the wall is in the kitchen, describing the scene may give the audience the feeling that they are standing in the kitchen with her.

I am not a professional writer, nor am I perfect with my own writing as you can probably tell by just reading this, but I had an opinion and I wanted to share it. I hope you don't mind.

So, tell me what things have you run across in your reading/writing that bothers you?

I just love Doris!

My Review:  
Whew let me tell you this was a great book. It was fun and light hearted and touched a serious subject along the way! We should pay more attention to what our Vagina's are talking about. Are you listening to your vagina? Did you know it could talk? I had no clue and I will fully admit that after I finished this I totally went and apologized to mine for the neglect that I had been putting it through. I found the book completely amusing and it is now one of my favorite books and I will be adding it to my wish list should this ever come out on audio. I want more and more of this. I fully recommend this to everyone, especially those of with vagina's or that are attached to those with vagina's, wish they were vagina's, wish they had vagina's or just act like vagina's lol. Okay I know that pretty much covers everyone, but you get the idea. The story is about a vagina that wishes her person would listen to her and she takes us on an adventure in her life and it is definitely a ride on the wild side. A bit of hot and sexy, with some fun and flirty, and even some bitch and moan thrown in there too! 

Viva la Vadgeventures!

Close Call: A Doris & Jemma Vadgeventure

Think Bridget Jones Diary and The Vagina Monologues.

Twenty-two-year-old Jemma can’t seem to get her life in order. Her track record with men stinks, she constantly worries about getting fat and ending up a spinster at thirty. And to top it off, she has to be a bridesmaid at her most-hated cousin’s wedding. She feels like her life is over, until Doris decides to help out. Who’s Doris? Doris is Jemma’s vagina and she thinks more of Jemma than her own brain does. Doris is on a mission to save Jemma from herself, but is the task too much for one vagina to handle? 

TAGS: Fiction, Chick Lit, Humor, Women's Lit, Romance

© 2013 Dionne Lister Cover by Sol Pandiella-McLeod

Now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, Kobo, iTunes, and Sony.

Meet Eloise March aka Eloise March

Eloise March is a woman who laughs at her own jokes, swears way too much and breaks any new diet by lunchtime on the day she starts. She believes in women’s equality, and all equality for that matter, and hopes the things she writes touch people in a positive way, and make them think about how they can create a better society for themselves and others. 

In her spare time, she enjoys living as her alter ego, Dionne Lister — a suspense and YA fantasy author who is way too embarrassed to talk about vaginas. She likes spending time as Dionne because Dionne has an awesome family, wonderful friends and a cat called Lily, oh, and she has great hair.

If you’re looking for Eloise, or any information about future books in the Doris & Jemma Vadgeventure series, you can visit Dionne’s website, where Eloise has been lucky enough to get her own page http://www.dionnelisterwriter.com. If you’re looking for a chat, you can find Ms. March on Twitter.

Facebook ~ Twitter ~ Website

Follow the Tour

Monday - 3/3/2014:

• Random Reviews by Leanne Review
• The Sinner Author Review

Tuesday - 3/4/2014

• Literary Chanteuse - Ask Doris - Dating Advice
• Photography, Poetry and Indie Authors - Ask Doris & Review

Wednesday - 3/5/2014

• Lady Reader's Bookstuff - Close Call Playlist
• Like a Bump on a Blog - Ask Doris & Review

Thursday - 3/6/2014

• Pinky's Favorite Reads - Ask Doris & Review
• Ramen Noodle Book Reviews - Ask Doris & Review

Friday - 3/7/2014

• Our Wolves Den - Ask Doris – Why Doris?
• A Day in Doha - Review

Saturday - 3/8/2014

• Books & Chocolates - Review
• A Book Addict's Delight - Ask Doris - Dating Advice

Monday - 3/10/2014

• J E Haldeman - Ask Doris - Dating Advice

Tuesday - 3/11/2014

• Jess Resides Here - Review
• Indie Authors You Want to Read - Ask Doris - Dating Advice

Wednesday - 3/12/2014

• Our New Generation for Reading - 3/12/2014

Thursday - 3/13/2014

• WS Momma Readers Nook - Ask Doris & Top 10 Favorite Books
• Bestsellerbound.com - Tell Us One Thing

Final Day of the Tour - Saturday March 14th

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Happy Monday everyone!

My house is full of sick people and apparently so is my brain! 
Today there is no rhyme or reason to the list it is what it is.

Crap forgot to write the speill again!

Okay so here is what this blog post is all about! I look up titles in the erotica sextion of Amazon and then pick five that make either make me laugh or whatever I have thought has made me laugh. Then I share them with you. It is all done in fun. You will find no links or authors names, just the titles, although some of the authors names are equally as hilarious as some of the titles. 

Hope this brings a smile to your face, I know it did to mine!

• Gay Zombie Erotix (all kinds of flamboyant stuff went through my mind. Imagine the most sassy gay man in the world and then make him a zombie, yeah I was in a fit of giggles from just picturing it!)
• THE WHOREHOUSE IS ON FIRE! (A real fire? You better save them ho's! Or is it an STD kind of burning going on? You better get to the doctor! Or maybe that meant that the ho's were just that good? They need to clarify because I am old and confused!)
• Gotta Poke 'Em All (Yep! He a ho! That was my first thought!)
• His Animal Stink (Okay not sure about anyone else but that is just TMI and ewwww)
• Bobby And Jean Get It On (White Trash Erotica) (Honestly I totally read this title as Booby Jean Get it on and then I cleaned my glasses and tried again but still laughed because that was major misreading on my part)

I welcome all correspondence! You can email me at leanneherrera@gmail.com or leave a comment below! If you have a suggestion for a word I will happily look up titles and post them on here or if you just want to say hi well, I am open to that too!

Hello everyone!

As you can see if you are a regular reader of my blog that I am on a mission to finish my own book so that I can have one published instead of just reading everyone elses! But I wanted to keep this going so that I can have a bit of fun in between editing rounds! 

Lets go over how this works!

Ready?

Are you sure?

I hope so, because I wasn't when I read some of these titles and let me just say wow!

So basically what happens is that I go through the erotica genre on Amazon.com and sift through literally thousands of titles trying to find ones that either throw my brain in the gutter or make me laugh. Then once I get back in my wheel chair I post them along with my first reaction with you so that your Monday morning has a bit of a laugh as well!

I do not do this as an insult to the authors and never include a link. This is all in fun and meant only to make a few of us with dirty minds to have a bit of a giggle. Now if others look up the books and buy them, then yay! for the authors and if they don't then no harm no foul! I just want to have a good laugh on dreary Monday mornings to start the week off with a bit of humor! 

Todays list has no search word attached but if you would like to put in your two cents send me an email at leanneherrera@gmail.com or a comment below and I will use your word to search out next weeks list of titles!

• WTF! She's Doing Who?( I chose this one because I loved the title, it follows my theme!) 
• Gender Swap Lollipop (Not sure what candy store they are shopping at but I am avoiding it at all costs. I like my boobage way to much)
• Fluffing My Neighbor (This just made me laugh because I have older family members who call breaking wind or farting for a female, fluffing. So all I thought when I read this title was one of my great aunts farting on the neighbor!)
• Carnival Girl Fuck ( 1. I want to know where this carnival was when I was younger? 2. Is this every guys fantasy? and 3. the title just made me laugh because all I thought of was clowns going at it lol!)
• Sporting Wood ( This is what I would call happens when guys have to go pee and have morning wood and let me just say I laugh my ass off when it happened to guys I dated, so this brought back giggles from my past)

Happy Monday to all the potty trained readers out there!

• My Boyfriend Needing to Go Badly at a Costa Rican Youth Hostel (all I kept thinking was that annoying commercial about bladder control... gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!)
• Pissed on by the Ex (I have been pissed at the Ex but so happy I have never been pissed on by them, it reminds me of the saying, "I would rather be pissed off than pissed on" )
• My Pee-zza Girl (The play on words made me cringe because I kept thinking of someone peeing on my pizza lol then I thought why didn't he just type pissa or poopza )
• A Very Mean Girl (In Very Cute Diapers) ( Not sure why this was funny to me I just kept thinking that the very mean girl needed a very big diaper and a time out!)
• Sharing his Chocolate Pie ( ewww can anyone say two girls and a cup, yeah I gagged on this one big time!)

Normally I do not go into details about a book to leave out spoilers but this review will be different. So if you do not want spoilers do not read any further!

Synopsis: 

Fresh from her parents' divorce, eighteen-year-old Nora Saynt-Rae is ready for a new beginning at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington. Life is at last beginning to look up. Then Nora meets a guy. Stunningly gorgeous, completely eccentric and tirelessly vengeful, Gabriel has a secret. 

He is a wizard! 

A new grad from Magasant School of Magic, Gabriel is a Releaser - a vampire slayer. Victimized in childhood by a vampire, he is determined to exterminate the entire bloodsucking race - starting in Washington where he's searching for his latest target, an elusive Newborn who is tipping the scales against Olympia's favor. 

Should Nora let her intensely erotic attraction cloud her better judgment? Should she ignore her doubts and the doubts of everyone around her? Or should she leave the murderous wizard before the hungry, biting demons of his past become her undoing? 


This book contains strong sexual content and explicit language. Word Count: 100,000 

My review:
I was so disappointed when I read this book. Right from the beginning I rolled my eyes and thought NOOOOOOOOO!!! The story itself is not awful, the premise is good and the story is catching but the characters were horrendous. First we have the Harry Potter rip off of a male character. He comes on the scene in a robe, carrying an owl in a bird cage and a wand, immags etc.... Sound Familiar? Then we have the wolf boy who is from the woods who is named Wolf and has brothers whom are above him. Rolls eyes. The wolf and the wizard are in love with the girl who is hiding a secret. So it is a love triangle similar to Twilight, great. (insert sarcasm) I knew within the first conversation about the newborn that the newborn was the girls secret only she didn't know it yet. I mean contacts to dull her eyes and the overabundance of  perfume wasn't a giveaway for the girl, really? Especially since both the wizard and the wolf talk about the vampires being bright eyed and smelly. Hello?? Wake up call for the girl. I was literally yelling at my kindle to tell the characters the obvious. At least it was obvious to me. Now do not get me wrong, the author is good and can really write and I am not sure if she was trying to appeal to the younger audiences or if it is meant to be fan fiction but the lack of imagination and the overly obvious clues drove me crazy. I won't be getting the next book nor will I be recommending this to the younger set, as the sex scene is really inappropriate. I won't recommend this to adults because they will know what is happening right from the beginning as well. I just cannot understand why someone with obvious writing talent would waste it or cheat themselves by borrowing from other authors to mash up a mess like this.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        So what happens when Twilight meets Harry Potter? It fails tremendously and no amount of magic can fix it.

About the author:

I have no idea who the author is because they do not have an author profile set up and I refuse to search for one. I wrote the review as if it was a female writer not because I think they are but simply because putting he/she or they for everything really got on my nerves. I apologize if this is a male author. 

Since I won't be able to publish this tomorrow I am putting it out now! I hope no one minds!

This is a subject that has been weighing on my brain all day today and I find the best way to get through this is to just let it go. 

I was playing with paint lol! So for those ( like me) that cannot read that little font here is a larger version of the same thing.

The Box by Leanne Herrera

I get so angry when people decide who I am by what category I fit into.
Am I gay, straight, bisexual?
White, Black, Other?
Republican, Democrat, Liberal?
Pro-choice, Pro-life, indifferent?
Then I realized I am just as guilty of assuming 
as the ones that anger me. 

I put people in that box that I am trying to climb out of. 
I put things in there too. 
I judge people if they are different than me
I don't mean to

It is like the old saying, "don't judge a book by it's cover."
I don't
Well not completely
but even if I read the synopsis, reviews, and excerpts 
that cover will taint my viewpoint

I think people judge each other the same way.
It is how we decide if we want to give them a chance
How unfair is that?
I certainly don't like being put into a box 
or tainted in someone's eyes 
simply for a part of me that is probably less than 10% of who I am

But how do you stop?
I have no idea and it makes me sad.
I wish I could start over in life 
and not have all these preconceived notions 
dumped inside my box

but I would still be in a box
wouldn't I?
Even if it is one 
that I built myself.

My review:
This is the 9th book in this series and they are always good. I have not been let down yet. The characters both old and new are wonderful and well developed. At this point in the series you really feel like you know them as much as you know your best friend. The new characters are just fricken awesome. I am a total fan girl when it comes to this series and was super excited to participate in a live question and answer session and about wet myself when she answered my question. I know that has absolutely nothing to do with the review but the session enveloped some questions I had prior to this book coming out and some of those questions were answered in this book. I am so excited about this book and cannot wait until the next one comes out. This is one series that I would recommend ( and my friends will tell you) to everyone! It has a little of this and little of that but most importantly it makes things believable. Something that I want from a paranormal book. There is so much more I want to say but as always I cannot post spoilers so you have to go get this book and if you haven't read the others, read them first I promise it is totally worth it!

About the author:

Chloe Neill was born and raised in the South, but now makes her home in the Midwest--just close enough to Cadogan House and St. Sophia's to keep an eye on things. When not transcribing Merit's and Lily's adventures, she bakes, works, and scours the Internet for good recipes and great graphic design. Chloe also maintains her sanity by spending time with her boys--her favorite landscape photographer/husband and their dogs, Baxter and Scout. (Both she and the photographer understand the dogs are in charge.) You can learn more about Chloe by visiting http://chloeneill.com

My  review:
I think I fell in love with a new author! Okay I know I do this often but I have never heard of her before and found this book and couldn't put it down. I know that it says it is a stand alone book but I would so love to know more about Sarah and what happens next in her life. I want to know who she chooses and several other things that I cannot mention because it would be horrible spoilers which I don't do. I found it a bit creepy and a little cheeky and a whole lot interesting. If you love a little mayhem mixed with a lot of interesting characters then this would be something you would enjoy too. I paid for this book and I would pay for more of the same again and again because the book was really good. I fell into the scenery and the plot line kept me jumping along with the characters. It is a perfectly yummy book and it would be just as good even without the cupcakes. 

About the author:

Hey Everyone!!!!! I hope you are enjoying the Olympics. 

So it is another Monday and guess what that means?

It means it is time for another WTF! Episode!
It also means I get to tell all about what this is. It is the yucky part of this blog and I won't deny that there are times when I want to say blah, blah, blah but that won't accomplish anything so here is how this works. 

On Sunday nights I go on a search to find funny titles or titles I find funny then I put them here for others to find on Monday morning and have a good giggle or at least something to smile about. Now before anyone puts their panties on crooked I do not do this to harm an author. I do it simply because it is funny. I don't include their names or links to their books because I want it only to be a humorous moment not an attack on the author. 

My search is usually from a keyword that either someone emails me or a comment someone made or even something as mundane as something that linked to me. Today the word is late because I got so involved in editing my own book that I was late getting this together and put out... whooops! 

• Late for a Lick ( okay I would say if someone was licking me there was no way they could be late lol)
• Late Night XXX-Ray ( nothing wrong with this it just made me laugh because my mind went to the hard and cold uncomfortable X-Ray table )
• Sex in an Alleyway Eight Years Late (There is specific window of time in your life that sex in an alleyway is okay ?? Damn I must have missed that time in my life!)
• Late Night Menu ( My late night menu is junk food or something similar but I am pretty sure that wasn't what they were talking about)
• Late Night Call for the Cableman (Cableman come at night??? When we called they came 3 hours late and then rescheduled for the next day because it was the end of his business day at 4 in the afternoon and then they didn't show until late in the afternoon. I want the one they have they come over at night to fix cable! )

Welcome to The Book of Paul Book Blast.

This is an unbelievable deal! The book is intelligently written with great characters and an amazing plot! The realm the author pulls you into is absolutely mind blowing! I can't believe it is only $0.99 right now! Hurry and get a copy so we can talk about all the epic stuff inside!

Available on Amazon in print and Kindle format!| The Book of Paul for your Nook or you bookshelf! | The Book of Paul on iTunes!

In the rubble-strewn wasteland of Alphabet City, a squalid tenement conceals a treasure "beyond all imagining"-- an immaculately preserved, fifth century codex. The sole repository of ancient Hermetic lore, it contains the alchemical rituals for transforming thought into substance, transmuting matter at will...and attaining eternal life. 

When Rose, a sex and pain addicted East Village tattoo artist has a torrid encounter with Martin, a battle-hardened loner, they discover they are unwitting pawns on opposing sides of a battle that has shaped the course of human history. At the center of the conflict is Paul, the villainous overlord of an underground feudal society, who guards the book's occult secrets in preparation for the fulfillment of an apocalyptic prophecy. 

The action is relentless as Rose and Martin fight to escape Paul's clutches and Martin's destiny as the chosen recipient of Paul's sinister legacy.  Science and magic, mythology and technology converge in a monumental battle where the stakes couldn't be higher: control of the ultimate power in the universe--the Maelstrom. 

The Book of Paul is the first of seven volumes in a sweeping mythological narrative tracing the mystical connections between Hermes Trismegistus in ancient Egypt, Sophia, the female counterpart of Christ, and the Celtic druids of Clan Kelly.

With production values matching that of a movie, the Book of Paul Trailer is as epic as the book!

 

"Everything you've ever believed about yourself...about the description of reality you've clung to so stubbornly all your life...all of it...every bit of it...is an illusion." 

Tweet and share! 

Richard Longwrites to exorcise the demons of his past and manifest the dreams of his future.

His debut novel, The Book of Paul, is a dark, thrilling, and psychologically rich supernatural horror/thriller that blends mythology, science and mystery into a page-turning addiction.

Richard is also writing a YA novel, The Dream Palace, primarily so that his children can read his books. 

He lives in Manhattan with his wife, two amazing children and their wicked black cat, Merlin.

Find and Follow Richard:

Twitter | Facebook | Website | Pinterest | Tumblr

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The Book of Paul is available for $0.99 until 9th February.  Grab a copy today!

Genre: Paranormal erotic romance

Book Description:

Mission: Don’t fall in love

After an explosive night of passion during a 

scenting ceremony, Karla Alves is sure she was 

just a one night stand for the man she'd been 

crushing on for years. She teased him and pleased 

him, and Nate hasn't been around since. Her fear of 

becoming clingy kept her from risking her heart and asking for more than a few 

hours of skin sin.

Mission: Crack her walls

She. Is. His. Nathan Wolfe marked Karla. His mate. Deeply involved in pack 

politics, Nate has had to stay away. When his sister warns that Karla needs him 

more than he thinks, he'll discover a bundle of secrets only his wolf can sniff out. 

But getting the woman he cares about to let down her guard may prove to be his 

undoing.

Mission: Embrace the bite

With Karla's wayward sister wreaking havoc and friends needing more of his time 

than ever, Nate will have to rearrange his priorities if he ever hopes to earn Karla's 

trust. But will time with her be enough? Only true love and a wolf's promise 

can hold together a relationship created with a bite, a scenting, and a hope for 

tomorrow.

 Amazon  .UK   BN   ARe

My Review:
I felt like this was something completely different than what I expected from this type of paranormal erotica, even more different than the synopsis can even tell you and I was right. I knew from the first page that this story was going to take a little left of what the normal shifter story would have taken me. The characters were milder in their behavior but deeper than a typical erotica novel. I loved this because it allowed me to know the characters and dig deeper into the storyline. The story was complex but easy to follow, but because it was not altogether typical formula, I didn't know what was going to happen next. So the surprise and climb to the ending climax was wonderful and allowed me to truly enjoy the story as it unfolded. I will be recommending it to those that enjoy a little erotica with their paranormal romance! 

About the Author:


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