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Friday, October 5, 2012
Tell me what you think!

So let me tell you what happened last month that changed my whole life. After work I ran outside to get to my car without getting completely drenched in the rain that often slams Anya Florida. I slid through a puddle and slammed my shin on the door of the car. I winced, as I struggled to hop and unlock my rusted out Ford Tempo. I finally got the door opened and climbed into the front seat when the sky opened up and flooded us. Of course the tape that covered the little hole on top of my car had come off that morning and I forgot to replace it, so I was still getting wet. If it were not against the law, I would have used my rainbow umbrella to keep the water from streaming through the hole right onto the top of my head.

 I started the car, or tried to anyway. It did its normal squealing and protesting, so I got out to jiggle the battery cables. Sometimes that worked, I let go of the hood and allowed it to close quickly on its own and ran to dive back into the front seat.  The only problem with that is that I forgot those stupid cement blocks in the parking spaces and found myself sprawled face first into some really nasty gum on the asphalt.  I thought to myself, “Fuck! What is going to happen next?” I reached over and was going to use the car door to pull myself up off the ground. Standing in my too cute pencil skirt is not something one can do from a lying flat on the ground position. I had just grabbed the door handle and there was a loud bang.

That is all that I can remember. In fact, I only know the rest of it, because my boss played the security video of it to me. I sat there in my hospital bed, and my boss being the lovely person that she is, pulls her laptop out of her oversized purse and shows it to me. I see myself lying in the puddle of muck, hand reaching ever to the door. Just as I touch it, lightning strikes my car. She thought it was hilarious how my whole body seized and flipped over in the water. I ripped my skirt in half, showing everyone my little boy short panties that said Tuesday, and it was Friday. The only thing that saved me was that my hands were slick and so when I seized up from the jolt, my hands slid off the door.

I just gave her a dirty look. I hoped she read in my look that I did not think this was funny. I was injured, I could have died. Would she still be laughing then? Thank goodness the nurse came in and shooed her away. Sheila is not my favorite person in the world, the only reason she came was to ask if it was okay if she put the video online. Why would I want the world to see me like that online? The woman has a serious issue with her sense of humor. I did not find it funny at all.  I still do not find it funny.

I stayed in the hospital for Three days recovering from being sort of hit by lightning. Three days of bad food and even worse friends and family calling me all day and night asking if I am okay. I understand they are worried about me and all, but they got my cell phone taken away. I felt like a middle schooler getting in trouble from my teacher for talking on the phone in class. When I finally got to go home, my best friend Van came to get me.

I climbed into the car and she turned to me, “So, want to go see if your car will work?”

“No.” I grumbled. I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed and eat my own food.

“Well, see there is a problem with that.” She looked away from me, when she said that, like she was trying really hard not to laugh.

“What is the problem with my apartment and why are you laughing?”