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Thursday, December 13, 2012
Let me tell you a story!
A little over fifteen years ago a beautiful raven haired
girl was born. Her parents and two older sisters loved her very much. She had deep brown eyes and chubby cheeks.
She was something special, or at least her family thought so.
Compared to her sisters she was the earliest to do just
about everything. She started sitting up on her own at a little over 3 months
old. Her parents were worried that she might be learning to do things too fast
by watching her sisters.
When she was about eleven months old she started talking in
two or three word sentences and by the time she was 4 she could read. Her
mother loved that she was so smart and encouraged her to learn something new
every day.
As she watched her children grow she noticed that there was
something special about her youngest daughter. She knew it with all her heart,
but never said a word because this was not something that you could just bring
up. This was something that her youngest daughter had to realize on her own.
When she was about ten, she finally came to talk to her
mother. It was the beginning of a very special talk, and one that most parents
do not have with their children until they are much older.
This was when my daughter told me she might be gay. At first
she said that she thought she was bisexual because she did not want to be so
different from her sisters. I did not make a big deal out of it, I told her to
think about it and figure out who she was. I knew that she was discovering
herself and it was important that I did not try to lead her. She needed to
discover herself all by herself, but she also needed to know that I supported
and loved her.
Over the next few years she went through a lot of turmoil
and still does go through a lot today. While our country is making strides in
the gay community, we still have a long way to go.
She was outed at school by someone that was supposed to be
her friend. I was upset nearly as much as she was over this, maybe more so. She
was still in the process of learning who she really was and it seemed that she
was shoved out of a closet. All of this happened when she was not even big
enough to wear the high heeled shoes inside the closet.
When things got bad and inexcusable things were happening to
her at school, we knew that we needed to move away. I thought that maybe moving
would help her. We could put her in a new environment and she could learn to be
who she was without the bullying that she was receiving. I was wrong and I know
this now but back then, all I wanted to do was protect my child.
Unfortunately the damage was already done. There were
several incidents that come to mind that made me want to take my child and run
far away. I will name just a couple so that you can understand this was so much
more than name calling.
One day I got a message from one of her teachers, it read, “XXX
is having some issues at school. I feel that this problem could be resolved if
you taught your daughter to dress and act more like a girl. Maybe you can teach
her to wear make-up or get her some hair accessories that are more girly. She looks
too much like a boy in her uniform and this is causing her some discomfort.”
The discomfort was on the part of the staff and some of the boy students;
although at the time I had no idea what she was talking about. She wore the
same uniform as everyone else. She also wore her hair long and it was usually
in a ponytail. She was always cute and clean, so I didn’t understand why the
teacher felt the need to tell me to make my child “girly”.
A few days later I would find out what the problem really
was when my daughter got suspended from school for fighting. A group of boys
took it upon themselves to confront my daughter, they rubbed themselves up on
her and grabbed their genitals all the while telling her, “Let me show you what
a real man is, then you won’t like girls anymore” as well as other things. So
my daughter fought with them.
It was clear during my conversation with my daughter and the
counselor at school that this had been going on for quite some time now. She had been doing what we had always told
her, “When someone picks on you, report them.” She was reporting them, but
because there was a rule to discourage and basically ignore a student’s
sexuality in school, they ignored the abuse. When I spoke to the counselor I
was told that “this problem would not be an issue if XXX had not come out at
school.”
I was shocked at first that this person cared more about
what my daughter did, when should have been protecting my child from bullies.
This was not the first incident, there were many others; everything was swept
under the rug. A few days later, after discussing the issue with others, we
removed her from school and decided that online school would probably benefit her
more anyway.
We moved and she started school near our new home. At first
things were fine, until we realized that this school district had the same
unwritten rule. Summer came quickly
thankfully and it flew by. It was not long before we were preparing for school
again. This is when we noticed that she was withdrawing from everything that
had to do with school and was having panic attacks.
The closer it got to the beginning of the school year the worse
she became. She begged to go to public school, so we allowed it. Shortly after
school began she attempted suicide and started cutting again. (A problem that
we thought had stopped) She went into
treatment and was there for three days. They sent her home to us, saying that
she would be fine. They recommended a therapist.
We forced her to see this therapist. We thought we were doing the right thing. He
spoke down to her and often she was more
angry and depressed when leaving his office than she had been entering
it. We saw a decline in her school work and attitude. I had no idea what do.
She started talking to a psychiatrist who medicated her. The medication turned
her into a walking zombie and gave her serious headaches.
It was a school staff member asking me why I had not put her in summer classes.
I said that I would if it meant that she had enough time and would get to go to
the ninth grade. I was lied to. Shortly after she began the classes online, she
attempted suicide again. She went back
to the hospital and spent four days there.
The counselor that I had issues with was no longer going to
be working with the school, thankfully. She was rude and had told me things
like, “are you sure that XXX’s panic attacks are not a way of seeking
attention?” and other such rude comments. With her gone, I was hopeful that my daughter
could go back to school and try again.
A few months ago, I had it with the school and the system
and I pulled her out. She is in online school again to finish three classes
that she could have continued in, in the first place. This is what they lied to
me about. They told me she could not continue the classes that she was in and that
she had to do the whole year over. This was a lie, she could have continued the
three classes she was in and went onto the ninth grade.
So she is doing her work at home now and much happier. I
know that when she switches to the ninth grade she is going to want to go back
to public school. I am terrified. If she goes back the bullying that has not
really stopped could continue and maybe even get worse.
She is a beautiful intelligent child and I am honored to
call her my daughter. Some of the facts in this timeline have been reorganized and
some things have been completely omitted because they are embarrassing but the
reasoning behind this post is the same. School districts and school employees
need to put away their personal beliefs and protect the children. All of the
children, no matter if they are black, white, rich, poor, Catholic, Wiccan,
straight or gay and parents should be able to feel comfortable sending their
children to learn in a safe environment.
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