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Thursday, March 14, 2013
No parent or grandparent wants to experience the heartbreak I have today and I would want it for no one. People have poured there hearts out and told me how sorry they were that we lost our Pookie. 

I was going to just copy and paste but I really want to log how I am feeling and share it with all of you. In some small way I hope that it helps you. Then I will re-share the blog about our wonderful little princess. 

Even before she breathed her first breath we knew that each moment was a gift. She was not supposed to make it through the pregnancy and birth. So literally each day was a precious gift to us. The first moment I was allowed to hold her in my arms and cradle her to my chest, I can remember inhaling her fresh baby smell. You know that smell if you are a mom it is the best smell ever created and no amount of baby powder or lotion can recreate it. 

I remember looking at her and snuggling with her and thinking she was the most beautiful and wonderful thing I had ever seen. On the outside she looked absolutely perfect, our little doll. On the inside her blood and brain caused many complications. She was our miracle baby and I loved her like I loved one of my own beautiful daughters. 

I worried though as mom's tend to do. Here was this seriously ill child and her mother was my 17 year old daughter. I hurt for her and will admit that on more than one occasion I paced the floor trying to figure out how to lessen the pain she was feeling. Each hospital visit was another anxiety ridden moment worried that this could be the time we would not have her anymore. 

We had her for 2 years 6 months and 5 days and we enjoyed having her here with us. There was not a moment that she was awake that she did not have a grin for someone or a coo to share. She did not cry much even though I think she probably had pain. She was blind but I think she saw more than any of us could, because she thought with her heart. 

I won't write about what happened when we lost her, I am not ready to share that with the world. I will however share her page and my blog about our beautiful Pookie girl.  I will also share her memorial donation page. 

Let me explain the plight of a family with a child with serious disorders, ones with children with disabilities so bad that they have little or no prognosis. Sabrina was one of those children and because of that we were denied health and life insurance. We argued and fought with companies but in the end they explained that if they gave insurance to all the children like Sabrina they would go bankrupt. I understood but was devastated that we could not get help. This is why we are asking for donations. 


10 comments:

Valarie said...

Oh Leanne, my heart breaks for you guys. I am so sorry.

leanne herrera said...

thank you hon

Mary NWhispers said...

hugs. tons and tons of hugs to you and family
Mary

IMakeLotsOfBabies said...

I know I've never said anything to you, but I've quietly read. I am so so sorry.

Sarah

lrgoodnight89 said...

Leanne, I am so sorry for your and your families lose! Hugs to you and I will be praying for you guys as well! ~Robin

leanne herrera said...

Thank you

leanne herrera said...

thank you

leanne herrera said...

thank you Robin

Jennifer blaney said...

so sorry for you loss
you are all in my prayers

servedogmom said...

There is nothing to compare with the loss of a child, and only those who have known such a tragedy can truly understand your sorrow. Though words may be meaningless right now, may you find some comfort in the love and concern that surround you from so many who deeply care. In Sympathy and Friendship.